Choices
by Isabella1020
Summary: "Love decides for us, and we're left to deal with the consequences."Oneshot. B/C.


**Author's note:** Oneshot. Beckett/Castle. Set during _Sucker Punch_ (Season Two's 13th episode.) This is a little piece I wrote as a gift for a great, wonderful friend. I don't feel very pleased with it, but I really hope she (and also you, dear reader) likes it. I'm sorry it's so short. My muse seems to have a problem with giving me inspiration for something longer than one page ¬¬

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_In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse._ T.S. Elliot.

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You were so close.

You had your mother's killer.

You had found him, after ten long years of sorrow, pain, wishes of revenge, tears, promises… Ten years of feeling like a failure to your mother, to your father and to yourself for not being able to make some justice for your family.

You had found him.

You had figured it all out: Rathborne was a cover up and Dick Coonan was the killer.

Yes, you had him.

He was clever, and fast, though. Before you could do anything to prevent it, he had a gun to Castle's back.

Part of you (the woman who loves Richard Castle with everything she has) wanted to scream her fear out.

Part of you (the agent) knew that the best thing to do was to remain serious and calm in order to save Castle's life.

So there you were, heading to the elevator, Coonan and Castle following close behind. You only had to let Coonan go and there would be a chance for you to find the people who had hired him to kill your mother.

All you had to do was letting him walk away, and he would give you their names, and that way end with ten years of sorrow, pain, wishes of revenge, tears, promises; ten years of feeling like a failure to your mother, to your father and to yourself for not being able to make some justice for your family.

Feeling like a failure is a heavy burden, and once you had the people who hired Coonan, that burden was going to be off your shoulders.

Yes, you could almost taste the freedom, the satisfaction.

But all of a sudden Roy came out of nowhere and stood in front of you, pointing his gun at Coonan.

"No" You said, raising a hand. "I need him alive."

"That's right."Coonan agreed, a frantic, insane look on his eyes. "Now I walk."

You nodded as Roy slowly put down his weapon. For the tiniest bit of a second you thought everything was going to be alright.

That, until Castle did something really brave… and also really stupid.

He hit Coonan's face with the back of his head, and the man tripped over his own feet, stepping backwards, completely disoriented for a second. You turned around. You saw Coonan wiping the blood off of his broken nose and pointing his gun at Castle, who stood completely defenseless right in front of the killer.

Time seemed to stop. You knew exactly what was going to happen if you acted, and exactly what would happen if you didn't.

_This is a choice, Kaie_, your mind informed. _Decide. Act. Now._

Before you had the chance to think things through, your heart made its choice for you.

The word _No_ fell off your lips instinctively – it was more of a statement than a scream, as in _No, you're not going to kill the man I love_ – and in the blink of an eye you pulled your gun out and shot Coonan in the chest, neutralizing the threat towards Castle.

Every single one of the agents in that office saw you shoot Coonan, the man who was going to give you the people who had wanted your mother dead.

Everybody saw you eliminate that possibility before you had the chance of using it.

You had shot the man that would give you revenge and justice, only to save the man you're in love with.

The man you cannot live without.

The man you'll always protect.

The man you'll always depend on.

Richard Castle.

Your heart chose to save his life over justice for your family. Your heart chose to save him, because if anything happened to Richard Castle, then you have no idea how in Hell would you go on living, especially if he got hurt because of you. What would become of you without him? You would be an empty shell, the shadow of a human being, a ghost.

You were so close.

Oh, you were so damn close.

Until Castle and your love for him got in the way.

As you fell on your knees beside Coonan's body and started emergency resuscitation, you knew it was too late. It didn't matter how many times you hit his chest with your hands. It didn't matter how many times you repeated _Stay with me_: he was dead. Gone. You knew that was going to happen. Having Castle safe and sound and Coonan surviving your shot would have been an incredible strike of luck, and that's never been like you.

It was quite simple, actually: life presented you a choice: revenge and justice, or Castle's life. And you (or your heart, for that matter) chose Castle's life, without thinking it twice.

Now is too late to take that back.

Now, as someone whose face you don't even turn around to see helps you up, dragging you away from Coonan's corpse, you notice you're crying.

You cried because of the ten years you had been waiting for this chance.

You cried because you had ruined it.

You cried because your love had gotten in the way of your need to make justice.

You cried because you had failed your mother once again.

You cried because of the choice you had been forced to make.

You cried because you knew that if you were forced to face a similar situation, you would choose him again, over anything else, without thinking, because that's the way love works: when we're given a choice, it decides for us, and we're left to deal with the consequences of those choices.


End file.
